Hi Paul;

MERRY CHRISTMAS ... hope she's a plum good'un!

Folks got me a subscription to Outdoor Life when I was 9 years old. First stop was the last page. McManus had a gift that I doubt will ever be challenged... certainly not by me.

Thanks for the kind words.

Paul Certo said:

Between McManus & Zern, it's not your fault. You were destined to write this way, I gar-on-tee!There's 3 of my favorites already.

Paul

Morning Dana;

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

I remember Jerry Clower and Justin Wilson too. Read a lot of Pat McManus, Ed Zern and Will Rogers while growing up too. So you see ... this is not totally all my fault .......

... that's my story an' I'm stickin' to it ..............

Dana R. McCall said:

... weeeeel then I reckon I orta caution you to keep a close eye on yer tweezers ... Cousin Scooter's took to borrowin' Aunt Holly's to catch grampuses with an' they don't always get wiped off too good ... just thought you'd want to know ...

Evenin' Ma'am... ;)

Robin Thompson said:

Sam,

When I got to the part about Foo Foo being, uh, born breach, I laughed so loudly it caught my husband's attention. And it's still funny! And don't be making too much fun of Aunt Holly's moustache-- I'm working on growing a fine one. ;)

Like Paul said, a yarn can go on. . . :)

Have a good one, fellas!

My thanks to YOU Paul;

Just knowing that a couple of you have gotten a little chuckle from Uncle Burley or Turnup's Christmas has brightened mine considerably.

Blessings

Sam

Paul Certo said:

A good dinner only lasts until breakfast next morning, but a good YARN can go on fer years, and get better every time! Thanks, Sam.

Paul

Thanks Mizz Robin ...

Uncle Burley, Th' Dame Grimmandower, Scooter and the whole gang from Posey wish you and everyone at FOTMD a very Merry Christmas.

(Oh ... and Aunt Holly was just fine once they got the giblets outta her moustache .................. )

( Robin Thompson said:

"Foo Foo was a breach!!!" LOL

Sam, I enjoyed the tale-- thanks for the posting. An entertaining Christmas dinner is a treat!

Guess Whos Coming To Christmas Dinner?

Yep Uncle Burley, now how did yall know?

Once Cousin Scooter had got big enough to run, hed took to runnin a right smart with Uncle Burley. After all, theys a lot a young feller could look up to in a well seasoned genaman like Uncle
Burley. (Even if the seasonin was closer to pickled!). Why Burley knowed ever
den tree on Hickry Flats and could spit durn near 20 foot without even a
runnin start.

These self same talents, however was lost on Ol Lady Grimmandower, Scooters prim but stern mother. She had little use for Burley Gillin or his bad habits
until th weasels came.

Aunt Holly Grimmandower had waged many a battle over th years to protect her fine coop of domineckers, not the least of which was that hushed up incident with Cousin Scooter that never quite got
hushed up. Shed whacked possums with hoe handles, snatched up black snakes by
th tail an bullwhipped their heads off an once even stared down a polecat
(an he aint never come back!). Weasels was differnt. They stalked th hen
house, come an went an the only trace was a few neck feathers. They come in
th night like hobos er Baptists an left with a fat hen. Aunt Hollys stock
of fryin pullets an layin hens was sufferin somthin fierce.

She tried to catch em stayed up many a night, just to have em come the one night she didnt. Shed fair wore the end off all th paper hulled 00 loads fer
Paps ol double from a loadin an unloadin the venerable side by side 12
guage. Finally Cousin Scooter put into words what Aunt Holly had known for some
weeks now.

Maw we gonna have to git Uncle Burley to trap them weasels.

I know son. I know siiiiiiiigh you skitter on over to that rascals shack an invite him up fer Christmas dinner. Reckon Ill roast yall a turkey. Ill have
a little crow to swaller mself. You tell him what I want him fer, an that th
dinners hissin yea er nay but if I know Burley Gillin, hed tackle a grizl
bear with a switch fer a slice of punkin pie. Aunt Holly was right, Burley
sent word back that hed be there an after dinner hed have a little parlay
with her over pie an coffee about them weasels.

As is fittin when in need, Dame Grimmandower met Uncle Burley at th door. Her watery eyed, French ankle biter Foo Foo peeped from beneath her full skirt and yapped
and yapped and yapped

It was right much of a struggle, but finally Scooters pack of coon hounds were swarped, kicked and otherwise persuaded to stay outside while Uncle Burley was ushered in an Foo Foo had him. Right by
the ankle.

grr, grr, grr, grr

no-no Foo Foo bad girl stop that!

Foo Foo was in heat an Burleys wooden leg smelled a lot like Spruceperrrrrrfect place to leave a little er invite

FOO FOO go to your box !

Well, good day Mr. Gillian. How good of you to come. Step into the dining room and take a seat whilst I fetch your supper.

Lands a Goshen, maam, hit shore smells good in hyear. Burleys mouth was waterin already.

Uncle Burley an Scooter pulled up to th dinner table an Aunt Holly went to th kitchen to bring in th turkey. Burley couldnt help but notice th fine table Aunt Holly had laid out particular
the large shiny spoons

Now Uncle Burley was right partial to spoons specially if they was played right an he considered hisself fair to middlin er maybe a might better specially if hed had a nip which he had

Folks the biggest difference in spoons marked Made in Japan an spoons marked German silver is probably bout seven dollars a spoon, but smacked agin Burleys
wooden leg boy did they ring! They sounded so good that as a broad smile broke
across Burleys scraggly jaw, he broke into an impromptu an highly animated,
rendition of Jambalaya.

As Burley found his rhythm with his good leg Scooter commenced a ifen into his fist.

eef a ife eefa eefa ife eefa eefa ife a ife.

Slobbers not withstandin th boy was purty durn good!!! As he whopped the big leg of his bibs with his free hand, the two of em let the music take em. Burley was almost to shoofly pie an that was
his favorite part them spoons was fair hummin,

trrrrrrrrrr ricky tic tic, tika, rickety, tic, tic, tika,tika,tika, trrrrrrrrrrrr tik

Burley was a keepin time with his good toe and jookin his head at the same time.

Foo Foo seen her chance.

The hairy lil fuzz ball sneaked across Aunt Hollys newly braided rug, sidled up to Burleys wooden leg an squatted. As the trickle turned into a stream down the side of Uncle Burleys brogan an
began to puddle on the rug Aunt Holly come through th door with th (German
silver) turkey platter!

What she seen was Scooter (did I tell yall what a fine boy hes a turnin out to be?) uh what she seen was Scooter head drawed plumb back twixt his boney shoulder blades, shakin all over, spittin
an a slobberin at th mouth bouncin on his chair and beatin hisself
alternately about the legs and chest

eef a ife eefa eefa ife eefa eefa eefa eefa EEEFA iiiiiiiiiiiiife

By now Burley was in that other place the place where Jim Ed Brown, Maxine an Bonnie strived to go th place Hank Sr. was a headin when his liver played out th place Elvis seen once at the end
of Love Me Tender eyes rolled up in his head ears laid back an them
fine German silver spoons Aunt Hollys granpa brung over on th boat was now
all but in-a-visible as Burley jooked an headed into the finale.

Jambo-lie, shoofly pie an nanner puddin.

DEEEEEMONS

Aunt Holly screeched, as th platter fell to th floor soundin like the symbols from the VFW Marchin Band. Th turkey splatted to the floor, and ricocheted toward the wall gathering speed and Foo Foo enroute.

Uncle Burley stopped playin right away he needed both hands to hang on to the German silver chandelier above the table.

Scooters chair turnt straight over backridge an alls you could see of him was bony ankle bones an tenner shoes sticking up over th table.

All this took place whilst Aunt Holly was a fallin to a swoon..

Doc Stokes place was at the mouth of the holler, so it didnt take him long to get there. Onct hed examined Aunt Holly an found nothin more serious than th vapors he popped open his little bottle
of smellin salts an she started to come around first thing that met Aunt
Hollys blurred vision was the beautifully browned an basted Christmas turkey
over in the corner. It was on its back, legs spread and appeared to be giving
birth Foo Foo was a breach! ! !

DEEEEEEEEEEMONS ! ! !

uh, here Dame Grimmandower take another snort, an Doc stuck th bottle under her nose agin.

Uncle Burley could see that shed probably had enough entertainment for th night an quickly climbed down from the chandelier an excused hisself. He figgered thingsd quiet down a might quicker
if he wasnt there when Aunt Holly was finally at herself. Probably was a good
idee too cept Uncle Burley stepped out on th porch amongst 13 ornry
coonhounds with fresh Foo Foo all over his leg.

.. folks they was a ruckus in th holler that night

Uncle Burley should have a new leg whittled out an harnessed up come spring Aunt Holly had Granny Wren in fer a day er two to roust out th DEEEMONS an Doc got the end of
Scooters tongue, what hed bit off laughin sewed back on purty neat

hope your Christmas dinner turns out a might better.